The Movie Diary

Talk about a testosterone fest! Wow… Car chases, lots of stuff blowing up, and people losing body parts. It was a total made-for-men bonanza.

But it wasn’t without a scintilla of merit.

At least it had Jason Statham doing some of his what he does that really looks hot, and that was entertaining. Charisma Carpenter from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Charmed was Statham’s love interest. I always liked the character she played in those TV series. She was pretty bad ass in the later years of Angel, and lucky girl, she got to do scenes with David Boreanz (who used to be hot until the idiots at Bones got hold of him).

But in this film, Carpenter’s a complete idiot. She ditches Jason Statham for some dorky-looking dude who ends up getting his ass and the ass of all his friends kicked by none other than the bald man in tight jeans. OK… best part of the movie.

The rest is like a “zombie invasion,” as my daughter put it. Stallone looks like complete shit, and Arnold? Stick with the Governator role. Your shoulders are looking rather puny.  Bruce Willis isn’t ready for the other side of the hill quite yet, but he & Arnold had only cameos in this film. It was like Planet Hollywood meets Rocky, after Rocky learned some Kung Fu.  Dolph Lundgren held up pretty well, but we won’t even talk about Mickey Rourke.  He was never very interesting to begin with. Now, he’s just scary.

The only fun really was Jet Li, who played the little Chinese bad ass guy (as always), who kept asking for a raise because his family needed more money. He claimed he worked harder because he was littler than the others. That was amusing.

But maybe the WORST thing about the movie was the soundtrack. Argh! Creedence Clearwater, Georgia Satellites, and Mountain.  Bands I really can’t stand. I guess they must be like 70′s macho music, since my husband is a Creedence man. Argh. He’s been killing me with that sound pollution since 1969.

So, you see why I haven’t been to the movies lately? The films are SO bad that it’s not worth spending the $20. And Hollywood had better do something about it. Netflix is winning out. They were selling theater tickets from the concession stand to keep from having to pay extra employees at our theater. It was pitiful.

Hollywood… is that the best you can do?

I mean, Christopher Nolan is like a god right now.